A lot of things

So since my last post, like a year ago or something, a lot of things have changed. I added a new college, Union University, to my college list. In November I visited the campus and loved it!!! Next fall I will be attending Union University with a major in Music Education!! I am so excited. I have also applied to be an intern in Honduras next summer, since this summer I went there for a week. Being a senior in high school has been boring and yet hard. Knowing that I am leaving my friends, but especially my sister, behind is hard for me. But it's all good.

I turned 18 about a week ago and my parents bought me 2 hours of recording time. I am so excited!! I can't wait to record and send demos to record companies.

I will update later about the stuff that is going on, like the inside stuff, but right now I have to go get ready for a Toby Mac concert!!! Pics to come later as well!!

yeah i lied about the last post

So I definatly made a too quick decision about college. Right now I am just going to spend time with God and to try to see where God's will is. Last night at Genesis a woman from our church shared her testimony. She said that everything she planned turned out just as she had planned but maybe she missed something from all of that planning. So I am going to stop planning and let God show me the way. He may tell me next week where to go or a month before I go to college. Who cares? I am tired of planning and worrying. It's time to live life for God and not myself. Today was just a beautiful day that I went outside and sang and played guitar for God. I played the songs that I had written. It reminded me of who God is and what he has pulled me out from. I am happy right where I am. Have a great day!!!!

Hopefully last college post

So this past monday, also known as presidents day, I got to go and visit Ouachita University with my mom. I loved the campus and the people and it was great to see this girl named Ashley that I hadn't seen for 7 months. The missions class that I sat in on was great and the band director was nice. For some reason I didn't like it as much as Oklahoma Baptist. When I whent to OkBU I felt at home even though I knew no one there. I loved it. Even though OBU is building new dorms and OkBU has not the greatest dorms I still want to go there. When I went there for the first time I knew it was the place for me. So as for now I am going to Oklahoma Baptist Universtiy in 2009.

Oklahoma Baptist Universty

So this weekened I go a chance to vist OBU and see if it was the school for me. You know what, I loved it. I mean almost everthing about it I loved. I loved ths fact it was small, I loved the students there, the admin, the teachers, the buildings. Everything. I don't want to go there though. I don't know anyone. I haven't had to really make friends since I was in kindergarten and I walked up to this girl names Taylor and asked her if she wanted to play. I'm pretty sure if I did that now I would probably get some strange looks. I want to go to Ouachita Baptist. I know that both OBU's are probably great but I know people at Ouachita. I don't know. In a couple of weeks I will be posting a post about visiting Ouachita. I'm excited. When I think about college it scares me. It means that the future that I promised God I would fulfill is coming up. I have to face judgement in the Christian music industry and I have to pay for stuff. It's scary. I am ready though. All I have to do is pick a college. If anyone knows a good school let me know.

Hold me

Have you ever had like a bad day or week and just kind of laid in bed and thought. Well that is what I did this week. I was laying down and all I could think of was that I wanted God to just come down and hold me. Like when you are married, at least this is what I assume, when you have had a bad day your husband will come and hold you, just hold you. I just wish I could feel the physical presence of God holding me when I cry alone at night, holding me when I feel alone, and holding me when I just need to be held. Does anyone understand what I am trying to say?

BOYS AND OTHER STUFF

Ok so there is this guy that is really great. I mean he loves Jesus, wants to be a christian music artist, like me, his parents are missionaries in Bolivia he lives with them, we go through everything at the same time. He likes me a lot and I like him but I am pretty positive that a relationship would never work out. He is just a little weird. He has 10 and in 9 months 11 silbling. I think that would make anyone weird. I don't know. He wants me to wait for him to get married to make sure that I am not supposed to marry him. I don't know it's just weird.

Ok so another topic. I helped teach at a Dnow this weekend for Pre-teens and it was really good. Leaders are correct when they say that they learn more as a leader then as a student. So I need to really love God. When Jesus asked Peter 3 times if he loved him Peter always said yes, but his actions earlier, denying christ, didn't prove that. I feel like my actions don't say I love Christ. They say Jesus is a cool guy who I like to hang out with sometimes but not a someone I love to the uttermost being. I want to want to Love god more. Do you know what I mean?

College and the Future

Ok, so does anyone know of a good baptist school that has a good music program? I have been searching but can't find one that really sticks out. I think that God wants me to be a christian singer and with some of the money I get to go and do missions all over the world. So I need a school with a good music program but also one that will help me grow in Christ. Do you know of any?

First Real Post-Best Friend

I am a little shy when it comes to sharing my feelings to other people and sharing what is really going on in my life, so it is hard for me to really find someone who can be a true best friend. When I think of a best friend, I think of a girl, because a girl will most likely know what I am going through; I think of someone who won't judge me when I screw up, because I will. I think of someone who has been through some of the same things or at least knows how to handle it. And I think of a Godly women. In my life I have had only one true best friend. I confided in her, I cried in front of her, I screwed up in front of her, and I grew in front of her. She was there when my cousin died and when my youth pastor got fired. Now she is in college and far away. I don't have anyone to talk to now, except for my youth pastors wife. I love her. Her name is Jacki Cananda King. She is amazing. I can talk to her about the sins that I struggle with, about how I am struggling with my future, and about anything. She is amazing and I feel like we are almost the same. She is real with me. She lets me know when I am messing up and rebukes me for that. That is the best friend that I want. I know that I have a best friend in her I just want someone my own age.

How do you find someone who is on the same spiritual maturity level or higher when you are in high school. All the girls at my church are amazing but I couldn't confide in them because of the maturity level factor. I am the oldest one who comes to almost every event. I wish finding a best friend was easier. I have a twin sister but she doesn't want a close relationship. I guess, prayer is the only way I can go right now. If you have any advice please comment. I appreciate your comments.

This blog

This blog is here so I can journal about things in my life without actually having to keep a journal. If you happen to come across this blog and read any posting and want to say something do. If I do post something I will usually want some feedback. I hope you enjoy reading this blog