Hold me

Have you ever had like a bad day or week and just kind of laid in bed and thought. Well that is what I did this week. I was laying down and all I could think of was that I wanted God to just come down and hold me. Like when you are married, at least this is what I assume, when you have had a bad day your husband will come and hold you, just hold you. I just wish I could feel the physical presence of God holding me when I cry alone at night, holding me when I feel alone, and holding me when I just need to be held. Does anyone understand what I am trying to say?

BOYS AND OTHER STUFF

Ok so there is this guy that is really great. I mean he loves Jesus, wants to be a christian music artist, like me, his parents are missionaries in Bolivia he lives with them, we go through everything at the same time. He likes me a lot and I like him but I am pretty positive that a relationship would never work out. He is just a little weird. He has 10 and in 9 months 11 silbling. I think that would make anyone weird. I don't know. He wants me to wait for him to get married to make sure that I am not supposed to marry him. I don't know it's just weird.

Ok so another topic. I helped teach at a Dnow this weekend for Pre-teens and it was really good. Leaders are correct when they say that they learn more as a leader then as a student. So I need to really love God. When Jesus asked Peter 3 times if he loved him Peter always said yes, but his actions earlier, denying christ, didn't prove that. I feel like my actions don't say I love Christ. They say Jesus is a cool guy who I like to hang out with sometimes but not a someone I love to the uttermost being. I want to want to Love god more. Do you know what I mean?

College and the Future

Ok, so does anyone know of a good baptist school that has a good music program? I have been searching but can't find one that really sticks out. I think that God wants me to be a christian singer and with some of the money I get to go and do missions all over the world. So I need a school with a good music program but also one that will help me grow in Christ. Do you know of any?

First Real Post-Best Friend

I am a little shy when it comes to sharing my feelings to other people and sharing what is really going on in my life, so it is hard for me to really find someone who can be a true best friend. When I think of a best friend, I think of a girl, because a girl will most likely know what I am going through; I think of someone who won't judge me when I screw up, because I will. I think of someone who has been through some of the same things or at least knows how to handle it. And I think of a Godly women. In my life I have had only one true best friend. I confided in her, I cried in front of her, I screwed up in front of her, and I grew in front of her. She was there when my cousin died and when my youth pastor got fired. Now she is in college and far away. I don't have anyone to talk to now, except for my youth pastors wife. I love her. Her name is Jacki Cananda King. She is amazing. I can talk to her about the sins that I struggle with, about how I am struggling with my future, and about anything. She is amazing and I feel like we are almost the same. She is real with me. She lets me know when I am messing up and rebukes me for that. That is the best friend that I want. I know that I have a best friend in her I just want someone my own age.

How do you find someone who is on the same spiritual maturity level or higher when you are in high school. All the girls at my church are amazing but I couldn't confide in them because of the maturity level factor. I am the oldest one who comes to almost every event. I wish finding a best friend was easier. I have a twin sister but she doesn't want a close relationship. I guess, prayer is the only way I can go right now. If you have any advice please comment. I appreciate your comments.

This blog

This blog is here so I can journal about things in my life without actually having to keep a journal. If you happen to come across this blog and read any posting and want to say something do. If I do post something I will usually want some feedback. I hope you enjoy reading this blog